Is Daddy really a Father to his family?

Ask any father what he wants most out of life, and he will look at you in surprise. Obviously, he wants a good home and security for his family, the chance to give his children a good education and at least a comfortable roof over their heads. He wants to experience the happiness and pride in shaping healthy, balanced, educated children and he will give his time- too much of his time- working to that end. Yet unconsciously, he is expecting 100 per cent return on his six per cent investment.

For in too many cases Dad isn’t a father to his family at all. His sense of closely knit family life, of love, kinship and devotion, is half hearted. He is too often the star boarder, the paying guest, wanting his home run like a commercial hotel- not like a wigwam full of excited demanding kids. It is a curious thing what a multitude of male beings there are who think that the mere physical act of producing children somehow has given them miraculous exemption from the necessity of qualifying themselves for the difficult and complicated art of parenthood. Yet parenthood has to be learned.

The amateur father must take time off to put himself to school, sit down humbly before your child and learn by trial and error. And all the time you must remember that the authority you can so easily exercise if you wish to is less than nothing without the faith and affection of the child. This close relationship can be easily built up in the early years.

Let the youngster lead the conversation sometimes. They will ramble around the earth, ask a hundred of questions and oh children can ask questions gosh! And they should for they are puzzled by the grown – up world. He/she will sometimes tell things that will surprise you, for you are their natural father confessor but they can’t be hurried. He/she is an essentially honest individual, be honest with them. He/she is a genius at detecting misrepresentation, bluff and hypocrisy and best believe that. So if you don’t know, say so. Tell them you’ll find out. Even such a thing as explaining sex to them shouldn’t be that hard as it is certain to crop up. Don’t be afraid of it. It will all come out by questions and they will ask. 

Don’t run around and hide behind a pile of vague evasions. Come out and tell them simply and directly without any embarrassment. They won’t be embarrassed, these queries will all be fitting to the age and you shouldn’t go a step beyond the questions. There is no need to be pathological and technical. Tell it precisely what they have asked about – no more no less. If your answers are half way satisfactory and intelligent you will be surprised how soon they will get bored and change the subject.

As children grow older, they tend to turn to their father I am a living witness. They feel that you are the representative of the great, strange and exciting outside world. Tell your child(ren) about the world. You may have taken some trips, traveled to other countries, tell them about it. Chat with them about money and family budget because kids hardly understand when they get a NO for that unnecessary request they have lined up. This will help them become more reasonable and open minded. Show them that everything isn’t just black and white, that people are not all good or all bad. That you and them are a mixture of strengths and weaknesses. 

If you are a disciplinarian, the ‘’cracker – downer’’ the too busy father, you can be sure your child will soon be telling his friends about the one he put over on the old man.

A father whom I know is of this precise type. (Not my daddy) He rules, or he thinks he does with an iron fist. In the early years each infraction of rules met with swift physical punishment. Orders are sharp and chafing to one’s ego. So nowadays, as soon as the father of the establishment is out of the house, the mother and children cancel all of the rules set by the man of the house and do as they please.

Much better to be a friend and a companion to your child(ren) then you will have the only hold on them just like a father can ever have. They will do the right thing not because you have demanded but because it will hurt them profoundly to hurt you in any way.

Give your youngster a fraction of a chance and he will think you are the greatest dad in the world. You, in your turn as you bask in your ego of his admiration will find yourself trying to live up to the level of his worship. It will keep you on your toes. Granted, it’s hard for the worn out father who’s been through a rough day in Lagos traffic to and fro, fuel queue and deadlines to meet at work. Who can blame him for wanting merely to sit down and relax and tell his wife about his day and his troubles? 

But if it’s worthwhile bringing a child into this world isn’t it worthwhile to give him a fair share of your time? If you don’t you may find that you will have to give him/her plenty of time later in life… in a much less pleasant way.

While we all strain to give our children material things of life, we very often rob them of something far more important – our companionship. 

Here is what people don't understand about children; it is not what you leave to them that makes them great, it is what you leave in them. If you leave enough in them, you don't have to worry about what you leave for them.  If you leave more for them than you leave in them, then you will have to run through everything you leave to them but if you leave enough in them you won't need to worry because they will get out there and make way for themselves in life.

Kudos to the great daddies and daddies to be out there especially mine Franklin Oyebode Johnson & Olayiwola Ayokanmi Adeite